Friday, April 10, 2009

The Dungeon Behind Paradise

My friend and I were striding on the way to their house. Suddenly a woman emerged from the rear, passed through us, running like a thief in search of a place to hide. She reached the gate and grabbed it with fear but before she could let herself in, a sturdy man dragged her out and with his other hand gave a slap on her face. With the sound of its wallop, I felt the pain. But the fumed man found no satisfaction, he beaten her until she fell on the ground. The woman had little strength to fend off and so she took every furious blow of fist from her so called...husband.

They say in any serious matter, keep placid. Right, I didn't even get the chance to move. And while everyone motioned briskly to defuse the man so as to save the woman, I was there, agape and stood still. I didn't panic, I was shocked.

No lights and cameras, no director that will holler "Cut!" to end the gruesome scene. It's not a movie with great casting. Something that I thought could only be seen on TV. It was real and at that very moment, before my bare eyes...it's happening.

The woman was my batchmate during grade school and her husband is my friend's cousin. With how they went through their relationship, the couple is a perfect emblem of a sadistic husband and a battered wife. On that night before my eyelids turned heavy, questions filled my mind.

It was 9 years ago but the resonance came to me when recently my colleague was gone for two days and went back to work with bruises throughout her body. Contusions were gained from her husband who has been physically abusing her. She found him guilty of having an affair with another woman and doesn't help her with the financial responsibilities as a family. Their marriage has been dismal and beautiful. He's dismal, she's beautiful. In spite of everything, she has hope that things will fall into place and her husband's ill demeanor will soon change. I am between pity and admiration with what's going with her and how she sees it.

Once more, my mind filled with questions. How could a man physically hurt his woman? What's running through his mind while doing it and hearing his wife screaming for help? Is there really a point where a woman deserves to be beaten? Does the knight shining armor had a change of heart by pointing his sword to his forgotten princess? Do these men took their words seriously when they vowed " 'Till death do us part " where death means it will be through their own unscrupulous hands? Can you blame the woman if she choose to stay with hope in spite of violence? Why did they tell me that being alone is miserable where in fact having a partner can be more miserable than that?

In a headline from Inquirer (December 06, 2008), one of the leading newspapers in the Philippines, PNP Women and Children Protection Center had given report that indicated case statistics for violence against women. From 4,881 in 2006, cases incremented to 5,729 in 2007, it had risen 17 percent. Cases of 1,892 fell under the category of physical injuries and wife battering. Thanks for the facts and figures but these ain't satisfying most of my questions.

Marriage is like opening a crystal clear gate of paradise where there are beautiful promises ahead. But for some, the paradise seems to reach its end 'coz with few more steps, they're on the way to dungeon. A dungeon where one will struggle to find the way out.


While I'm typing every word in this post all I know is that...Love may have winter season when some things turn bitter cold but respect, despite the weather changes, must be kept fairly warm.

22 comments:

Middle Ditch said...

Ouch! That hurt just reading.

That woman MUST leave. Once a man abuses he won't stop. It will only get worse and not better. My heart goes out to all abused women (and children too).

Middle Ditch said...

i t6y6e3 y6his wi5t hy7 nose

I will never take my fingers for granted again.

Wise words

iriz said...

MIDDLE DITCH
You made your point. Same goes to me. I just hope in whatever way there may be, it will soon end.

about the nose.
LOL.
yeah, sometimes there are things we take for granted simply because we know it's always there.
thanks for being here. ;)

goatman said...

I cannot explain such behavior by men (Or women--I have heard of the opposite occurring). An effort to keep power, control and influence as society has raised men to be -- the stronger one.
But also society raises men to be protectors, to overcome the baser urges and be strong in the moral sense. And most of us are.
I am just sorry that you had to see that.

Keshi said...

It's not even the MARRIAGE...it's lack of RESPECT.

I say, once a couple loses their respect for each other, then there's no point waiting for Spring to come...cos it will never be the same again.

Keshi.

iriz said...

GOATMAN
Yeah, there must be a lot of reasons or factors behind and that's another story.It is true that there are battered husband but never went public because of shame.Why? perhaps because of the reason you've just mentioned.

"An effort to keep power, control and influence as society has raised men to be -- the stronger one."

It's okay goatman, that scene may be gruesome but it's a reality one must be aware of. so it's not always "and they lived happily ever after"


KESHI
Another question for that,can there be a second chance? I believe you about that, once a person did it, he can do it again. But of course deep inside we don't really want to end it that way. If we will be in their situation, for sure, no,it's not easy to leave.But yes, it's one of the options.

BC Doan said...

I feel for the abused woman in your post, and hope she can get out of the relationship.

Thanks for your visit!

Leigh Russell said...

A sad story for all concerned. I agree - the woman should leave this man at once, however hard that is, and be very careful about future partners. Unfortunately, abusive men can appear to be very charming.
Thank you for visiting my blog, iriz. Please keep in touch.

Aggie said...

Thanks for your visit Iriz. This is an interesting post. Abuse of women and children are the blight of any society anywhere in the world and it is men's shame (as it is mostly down to them). Even the animal kingdom is not as brutal as human males and my advice would be that she leave. Experience tells me that most won't take that step out of loss of confidence and fear, so the cycle simply continues. He will not change, so she must.

J said...

Abusing one's partner is a cowardly and a sadistic act. I guess it has to do with one's state of mind than anything else.

Hope your friend gets out of it soon.

iriz said...

BC DOAN
So much for her. In any way, i hope the same thing too.
Thanks for being here!

LEIGH RUSSEL
Sorry for the weigh of the story. That's true, men like them can be very charming -deceitful. After the trauma, not sure if she still wants to have another partner.

Sure, i'll keep in touch. ;)

iriz said...

AGGIE
Good for the animal kingdom. Right, there are things that keep on happening simply because we just let it.
"He will not change, so she must." i like that line.

J
Coward, yeah, i think that's the most appropriate term. They are men who don't know how to be a man. If it's a state of mind, i dunno how exactly will you call that kind of state.

Leigh Russell said...

The individual vs the faceless corporation (Leigh Russell vs amazon.co.uk)
I happened to notice the sales ranking for Cut Short on amazon.com rose to around 780,000 which seems to me pretty high for a start. That has to be thanks to my friends in the blogworld.

The rating’s since gone down. If everyone who kindly ordered a copy persuaded a friend to order one, or ordered a second copy as a virtually signed gift for a friend, perhaps the rating would rise again… and amazon.co.uk might take notice.

I leave it with you, my friends around the world.

iriz said...

Wow, yeah that's pretty high for a start. I'll check on it. Congratulations and I wish you goodluck. ;)

Raghu Ram Prasad said...

I feel pity on that women....wonderful writings

iriz said...

What more if you were actually there?

Thanks for seeing the way it was written.

Nice day to you Raghu. ;)

polona said...

a difficult topic, and there is no easy answer. abusers are unlikely to change; things can only get worse in time so i agree that the only way out is to leave such a partner. which, of course, is easier said than done as the victim's self-esteem is usually shattered as well by the abuser.

iriz said...

right, as difficult as the woman's situation. i dunno, maybe women have greater tolerance when it comes to pain.

the abuser tends to be more abusive.

thanks for sharing an opinion POLONA. ;)

Keshi said...

I know ppl who STAY in such r'ships, no matter what. And it's easier said than done to leave, I agree.

But once the Respect is lost, not even Love can give it a 2nd chance.

Keshi.

iriz said...

Got it KESHI. Maybe we could say that love and respect are symbiotic,one can't go on without the other.

Thanks for another point of view. ;)

justfeltlike said...

It's sad to see how the woman takes it. I think most of these cases happen because the woman still lingers on in the relationship. We women are strange creatures who appear to be so strong at practical matters but on the other hand, go to foolish lengths of weakness when we get emotional.

iriz said...

i totally agree.
there's something foolish when the heart overweighs the mind.
but one can be more foolish when the mind disregard the heart.

i dunno, but one thing is certain-there's something wrong.

thanks for dropping by!