Sunday, December 10, 2006


Change is something that most of us are reluctant about but the fact is, it occurs every minute of your life. I could remember my mother's story when she was young. She would go with her friends and play beside a pond. With her small hand, she would grab a tiny black creature and watch its tail wiggle. They called it "tadpole" but for her it's a black fish.

At home, she found a clear jar, filled it half with water and called it "home for the black fish". She would watch her black fish with fondness. After a couple of days, the wiggling tail was gone and two kicking feet emerged, then two arms. Its lucent eyes turned noticeable. She had to set it free because it won't fit inside a clear jar anymore. She'd seen how the black fish evolved and finally she had to let it go for a tadpole turned into frog.

So what's with the frog? You cannot be a tadpole forever. Change isn't a crime and it doesn't mean compromising your principles and individuality. Dare to change without living the standard set by society.

Change and still be you. For a tadpole will turn into frog but will still prefer to live in a messy pond rather than submerged in a clear water.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Same Road

I’m glad and I’m starting over again. Slowly realizing things and accepting it. For a while I left myself somewhere else trying to find something uncertain. Isolated myself and spent time how will I deal with it. Now I know. Funny, I’m stepping on the same road where I was before. As I promised to myself, I’m back.

Friday, November 03, 2006

You were there

Cradle me like a whimpering child. Let me know I’m not alone and let anxious feeling be gone. Curtail all doubts that lurks within my mind and to you I cast my heart. Forgive me for not being there as I let this busy life stole me from you. I closed my eyes and find my way. Once again, I pray.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Letting go

To let go doesn't mean to stop caring; it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off; it's the realization that I don't control another.
To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another; I can only change myself.
To let go is not to care for but to care about
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive
To let go is not to be protective; it is to permit another to face reality
To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them
To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more.


Sometimes fate will lead you to a breaking point where you have to let go of something or someone to keep the other. When truth drowns your soul and loosing grip will be you final resort, if not, you lose both. Feels like i'm breaking into pieces...

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

A Lifetime Vow or Just a Promise Lightly Given?

Just recently I was invited to witness a wedding ceremony held at my own town. I could recall how I rushed from my work to spot a simple but elegant gift and came late.

Isolated at the back, I stared at the enthralling white gown, the long veil that covered the brides face and I was thinking if it's the paramount wedding expenses why the groom seemed speechless.

After the ceremony, we headed at the reception area just behind the church. A room filled with myriad of guests. My friend who happened to be the bride's sister had left me alone at our table to assist others. Two unfamiliar faces shared seats with me, a not so old woman and a young lady.

"I'm very glad to see her getting married, she's very lucky", the woman initiated the conversation and I responded with a smile.

She began telling me stories about her own married life and found myself asking outright questions. A mother that affirmed her children that once they finished their studies they can go wed the next day without any further questions .Cool mom.

She feels pity for those who chose to be old maiden.

"Is it really necessary to get married?", I asked hoping she would take side of singlehood.

"Of course!", an answer with conviction but this time it almost blowed my eardrums.

"Get a car, a house and everything. Having all before getting married? that's stupid! You and you're partner shall work things out together", the woman conveyed.

Speaking with someone who's working as a teacher for 26 years, I decided to just listen like a student.

Shoving off from single life can be thrilling and exciting. Hope for the best and expect for the worse . According to the statistics, in US itself, 50% of marriage are predicted to end up in divorce.Sounds like half life and half death, 50% of uncertainties.

Another friend of mine finally heard what she's been waiting for...a marriage proposal. And as a wafting feeling begins, just right in time another man came in and tried to shake her life. A man that posses almost all characters she's looking for. I could feel the dilemma she's going through. I advised her to give way to what she feels for the other man and never ever get wed if she has a doubt as tiny as a mustard seed because from that tiny doubt will come a big failure.

Some had forgotten that marriage is a covenant, a lifetime vow. Marriage isn't a game that you quit when you get tired. Disparity may sets in but love and respect shall prevail. I am reared in a land where divorce is not permissible. I have nothing against those people who are in great favor of it but apparently liberal minds lost the true meaning of marriage.

Friday, April 28, 2006


There are days I'm feeling strange. My own mind keeps telling me nothing but fallacy and silence could be better than sounds of truth. It's a denial with no idea till when. Perhaps till i get over it. It's another rough road, I'm not alone, I never was.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

A Shot of Horror

Checking my e-mail at my workstation, I opened one message with a subject "FWD:This photo won a pulitzer award". A t first glance it was a strange photo but after scrutinizing the phrase at the bottom, i was shell-shocked. Those few words are too much that made me teary eyed. I thought i was just being too emotional and so i did a research with details I got and found out that this piece of image made the world weep...

Considered as the biggest country in Africa,Sudan is located in Northern part of the said continent, bordering the Red Sea, between Egypt and Eritrea . It really felt bad to know that famine occured long before and after the year 1994. Sudan is a nation engulfed by war and it was a long term crisis . Its true "history repeats itself" and people never learns. They had poor access for basic necessities and i doubt if they know what health care means. Large number of children and even elders died because of malnutrition and starvation. How come these things happened at such extreme point? I may not have a profound understanding about the whole scenario but the hell with their government officials and i hope that this horror won't happen on my own land.

Kevin carter, a famous South African photograper won Pulitzer Award as a recognition for the photo shown above. Many of his photos published were given strong reactions by media. I couldn't imagine a man who's doing great with his job but ended up comitting suicide right after his fame. I think it's not just the photos but the actual scene he witnessed as others struggled. I'd rather view the photo rather than see it myself . Mr. Carter killed himself with a suicide notes left as he was being haunted by these horrible facts.

The toddler with a thin body crawling on the ground on the way to the feeding station,wanting food up to the last breath and the vulture that if only i could break its wings and hang it dead on a tree, they clearly state one of the philosophies in life... "survival of the fittest". A vulture waiting for the toddler's death, how come a flying creature survives over a young child? worse...

It was like a story where the ending lies on the reader.
what happened to the little girl? did anyone passed by and pick her body? wasn't anyone bother rush her through the feeding station? the vulture? did it harm the toddlers body? i can't spare my mind from these questions.

Life isn't easy for many us, we have shortcomings and downsides. We have financial issues that we deal over and over again. Either we complain or expect too much. Take another glance at the photo...i said take another glance, don't just see...feel. Do you realized how blessed you are? Are you giving up crawling on the ground of life's adversity? Thank God that you're right there at your seat surfing the net and later after going through this article you have a home waiting for you and a dinner with your family.

So much for me to say, let this be enough. Such photo moved my...mind and emotion.

Sunday, March 05, 2006


In the middle of my busy world, yes i do...miss some0ne

Sunday, February 05, 2006


Damn when you do things 99% but none of them were recognized. I don't need a loud applause or plaque of appreciation, all I need is a little help. I could flee, escape and find a place where there could only be me, free from any mind boggling matters. But keeping distance would mean defeat and I'll be the first one to call my self a loser. Damn when each of your mind do not coincide, when you see a glass half full and they see it half empty. When you notice a wider space of clean paper but they focus on the tiny dot on it. Like an eagle that soar I could roam around and live alone but my wings will always lead me to the same tree, this is where I found my nest...This is my home. And though I want to give up, as long as I breathe, I have no choice but to live another day.
(***swollen eyes***)
"Life isn't that bad, it's someone's attitude that makes it worse"

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

The Library

Chatting with my friend yesterday he wondered what would be my next blog. Having no idea as well, i was opened for any suggestions. He gave me several options that made both of us laugh because it went with teasing , titles that won't make any sense and a blog that will require me to spill names (haha).

He suggested to make it "The Library". He reminded me how i spent my time in the library during our college days. Almost late for the next subject, i came in and entered the room with a red mark accross my face, they knew it, as usual..."iriz slept in the library with books as her pillows". Well, other than sleeping and reading, i always find serene time for myself, and as we all know it's a place with scattered notes... "OBSERVE SILENCE" (it will look better if they post it on the librarian's forehead, whatdyathink?).

But the most valuable lessons in life are not found in a peaceful place, getting rid of noise, isolating yourself from others and definitely not from a book. Life is a library itself and each of us is a book with a distinct concept. We learn from each other with no papers and pens required. We gain knowledge when you're away from comfort zones, when you take the rough road,when you deal with stress, when you raised you point against the other, when you face your fear, when you overcome pain, when you listen, when you're aware that you know a lot but not's countless.

I am thinking...if i were a book, what would be the title that fits me? how about yours?


Friday, January 20, 2006


I looked at the picture, confused...are they letting go or reaching out? Looking closer and seeing beyond i end up assuming that these two hands are saying goodbyes. The dark side dominates and i think i'm being pessimistic here. A simple image that traversed my mind. I thought of faces that gone by, a throng of people that became part of me. Some let me feel they're just around and some just slipped away. Once again i'm saying goodbye with people and place that i've learned to love, an arduous decision to make. Friends hated me because i'm leaving and i saw tears that broke my heart. It's true as they say "people...they come and go". As these two hands part ways up to last touch of their fingertips, i know it's not the end because goodbye means "i'll see you again..."

"sometimes you have to leave...not to go but to grow"