Solo

They say you have to kiss couple of frogs before you find your prince but i say what if you haven't found a prince...not even a frog? If you're going to fill out a form and it's asking for your status, are you going to indicate it as "single" or "stuck-in-a-rut"? Do you feel hyperventilated when someone ask you "so how many relationships you had?" and you were thinking how to divert the topic to government and politics. Is this society set a standard that pressing you hard and giving you so much pressure about being single in your entire life? Would you believe that being alone is nothing more than being lonely? Ask me.

I never had any serious relationship but that doesn't make me innocent about life and love. At any conversation where love and relationship are main topics i could hardly escape from the question "do you have a boyfriend?", I usually don't answer it with by simply saying "NO" but rather answer it with my big " I NEVER HAD". The moment i say those three words, it never fails...they freak out. Comments like "come on...you gotta be kidding!", "what? are you serious?", "why?" , "girl...when you are planning to have one? at the end of the world?". Sometimes i just don't want to answer the question because that will lead to a more elongated interrogation as if I'm trying to vindicate my self from a heinous crime. Any single heart should be unruffled by these encounters because they don't know the story behind, what you had gone, what your going through and who you are?. If you don't want to elaborate, that's fine. You don't owe them an explanation.

I guess there are three reasons why someone remained single.

First reason, BY CHANCE. Let's say you have this one great love but as far as you want him to reciprocate your deep feeling and be your man all he wants to do is to teach how to perfectly wear lipsticks. Your imagination expound and you're dreaming of that one romantic dinner date with him. Your bare eyes opened and there was he, sitting beside you with bunch of curlers on his head and nails neatly polished than yours. No, you're not inside an elegant restaurant, you're inside a salon! Too bad, your heart was captivated by a full blooded gay. How about this crazy feeling for a married man? All you're hoping for is a happy family but it seems that you'll end up as a home wrecker. As you search for a partner in life all you found is an insignificant other. Somehow by chance is synonymous to no luck.

Second reason, BY CHOICE. You have a beeline of suitors waiting for that three letter word, your sweet yes. They invited you for dinner dates but you declined. Your friends and even your mom persuade you that dates are just fine. You definitely got their point but they don't know these guys, it's not that you know everything but you have this woman instinct that makes you sense who are just playing around. Unfortunately they all fall on the same category. You know you can pick anyone at anytime but that would be fooling around. You're smart that's why you're single. It's not that they're Mr. Wrong, they just aren't Mr. Right.

BOTH, that's the third reason. I'm not really sure how to elaborate on this one. Let me try. It's when having a choice with no luck and having no luck to have a choice. Ah..whatever. We have so much listing for this one and there are real people remained single for both reasons but to cut it short, count me in.

So you're single, a certified single. What's next? Your friends are recommending couple of guys to you, they even orchestrate a date with one of your suitors. So what's this? business? You can't venture in a relationship just because they said so, right? I don't mean you only go for someone you deeply love, go for someone at least you like. Gather opinions but have that final decision. But of course you can't take it against your friends, they just want you to be happy.

So what if there's not even a croak from a single frog, focus on yourself. Always look at yourself in a special way, if you don't, who will? (just kidding). Confidence, that's where everything boils down. Maybe that would even makes you noticeable like that girl on a TV commercial who patronize a facial moisturizer or that guy who sprays body cologne throughout his body.

Maximize your time, learn a lot. Master the art of washing dirty dishes, know how to properly hang clothes, fried egg in a perfect round shape. Do i sound like you're preparing to be a housemaid? Nah...i mean have a sense of responsibility. You might not find your Mr/Ms Right because you're basically Mr/Ms Wrong. Go out with friends, have a life, get that job, explore the world. But don't get too busy, you might missed the ONE passing by.

Of course there are lonely nights, when every thing's down and you need someone to console your heart, let's admit it. You dwell on it but not everything is destined to be the way you want. It's either you got the wrong person or you're at the wrong time. I realized, life isn't a well planned wedding, it's a surprise party! So that ONE might emerge in a very unexpected time.

For now, be happy with what you have and anticipate with what you can get. As they say "it takes a lot of muscles to frown than to smile". Singlehood is an opportunity to take, make the most out of it. And when you're ready, you won't even care if you plunge into that pond with your lovely frog!

A Poem Without a Title

I hate it when doomed moment consumed your soul

Don't mind your broken wings, it will heal on its own

Soar with me to show you what's behind each dawn

And let my arms warm each tear of that frozen mourn

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With the strength within me we will chase the wild

I'll unchain you from the prison of a whimpering child

Fly with me my dear and just leave what lurks behind

Under my wings...the ravelling past will be unbind

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At the top of the mountain i'll let the world hear it loud

I harnessed such rule with neither limit nor bound

With a potent voice within that will shake the ground

Breaking a silence and letting go of a sheltered sound

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Within our boundary i'll disobey the law of letting go

Let them punish me for on that day i'll let them know

That i've been a fugitive from a lie i used to grow

I surrender from holding back, let it be and let it flow

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We'll cross the ocean like a diamond dazzling clear

In the depth of each heart going beyond with no fear

With the reason to survive and your soul to endear

No hurdle that i can't surpass as long as you're here

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Why not scour the forest 'till we find a place to rest

Like two white doves that gone far seeking for a nest

We'll look forward by the morning, anew and fresh

Unruffled by the worst and enthralled by the best

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The world is so vast for two souls wandering free

In a manifold forms great things are for you to see

But what this world could offer if HE won't let us be

Wrapped by each wings in a world just you and me

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For no place will matter if i'll be there without you

Time isn't precious if alone each second go through

Not a dazzling ocean or even a high mountain will do

You must be mine and i'll beg HIM...if i needed to

Are you Sensitive Enough?

Can you read between the lines? Have you sense the conflict? Are you aware of the real thing? There are arrays of ways to rephrase it but i guess the real question is "how sensitive are you?".

I laid the reversed question to one of my colleagues. "Would you consider yourself as someone insensitive?. He responded with another question "Who would admit he is?". By then i got what i need to hear followed by stories on the surface of his six months relationship with his girlfriend.

"I'm average, i can be sensitive and insensitive if necessary" he continued.
"Necessary? what does it mean? a sound of puzzled from me.
"I tend to be insensitive when i want my girlfriend to realize things, we have issues just cycling around. Whenever i act as if i don't care, she stopped.
I giggled with his answer, it was so real but i told him that won't always work.

I always believe that there's no such person as insensitive, everyone knows. They just prefer to be in the zone of silence, fear of making the initiative, maybe afraid of confrontation or keeping themselves from dreaded reality and making insensitivity as a form of denial. Through my personal experiences and people involved, that belief i reared with to be a fact turned out to be just a mere opinion.

Not all people are good in distinguishing non verbal cues. Not all can reach the core of each or anyone's emotion. Not all care about, not because they literally don't care but because "they don't know". Funny for me to know but yes, they just "don't know".

Let's take the worst scenario. In psychology, we call them alexythemic, people who are emotionally tone deaf. They can't distinguish their own and anyone else's emotion, because of that, they're having a hard time expressing themselves. Ridiculous isn't it? (am afraid, i belong, haha). Imagine yourself crying after watching a movie and when asked what particularly made you cry, you don't know what to say and you can't even justify the feeling. They are emotionally dysfunctional. For me that's more than insensitivity.

Since human have this gift of emotion incomparable to any living animals, we should be thankful that we "feel" and it's great that in any way we "show". We just have to remember that emotion is essential to action and action is essential to emotion.