Are you Sensitive Enough?

Can you read between the lines? Have you sense the conflict? Are you aware of the real thing? There are arrays of ways to rephrase it but i guess the real question is "how sensitive are you?".

I laid the reversed question to one of my colleagues. "Would you consider yourself as someone insensitive?. He responded with another question "Who would admit he is?". By then i got what i need to hear followed by stories on the surface of his six months relationship with his girlfriend.

"I'm average, i can be sensitive and insensitive if necessary" he continued.
"Necessary? what does it mean? a sound of puzzled from me.
"I tend to be insensitive when i want my girlfriend to realize things, we have issues just cycling around. Whenever i act as if i don't care, she stopped.
I giggled with his answer, it was so real but i told him that won't always work.

I always believe that there's no such person as insensitive, everyone knows. They just prefer to be in the zone of silence, fear of making the initiative, maybe afraid of confrontation or keeping themselves from dreaded reality and making insensitivity as a form of denial. Through my personal experiences and people involved, that belief i reared with to be a fact turned out to be just a mere opinion.

Not all people are good in distinguishing non verbal cues. Not all can reach the core of each or anyone's emotion. Not all care about, not because they literally don't care but because "they don't know". Funny for me to know but yes, they just "don't know".

Let's take the worst scenario. In psychology, we call them alexythemic, people who are emotionally tone deaf. They can't distinguish their own and anyone else's emotion, because of that, they're having a hard time expressing themselves. Ridiculous isn't it? (am afraid, i belong, haha). Imagine yourself crying after watching a movie and when asked what particularly made you cry, you don't know what to say and you can't even justify the feeling. They are emotionally dysfunctional. For me that's more than insensitivity.

Since human have this gift of emotion incomparable to any living animals, we should be thankful that we "feel" and it's great that in any way we "show". We just have to remember that emotion is essential to action and action is essential to emotion.

Don't you think it's time?

So its been years, you got your own life. New environment , new people. Not interested in meeting someone particular from the past but since this is a small world, boom! You two just bumped into each other. What will you do? Will you fumble from nervous breakdown? Will you let that encounter be the extension of those bitter days? Or will you embrace the moment with bouyancy, show that you're someone who have grown from the past and just moved on?

No right answer but to look at it like a game, your actions and reactions will determine who lose and who wins. No markdowns, just earning more points.

Someone began to open up. With a common friend, she met the guy she'd never seen for years. Their memories aren't that bad but i guess sometimes shit happens and things ended up not so well. She was there to give that simple "hi" and "hello" but the guy's demeanor doesn't fit the friendly intention. Her presence was somehow not appreciated.

Avoid if you can avoid (i do that) but the moment your roads crossed and your eyes met, you gotta handle it. No one can punish you for the grudge you've been keeping for years. Take this...everyone just stepped out from the past and closed the door. Don't leave yourself behind. Years are enough.

At one point, i felt like i don't have the right to encapsulate this idea. In the first place, i hated someone for more than three years (forgive me). He was related to my family so avoiding him wasn't that easy. I treated him like an air, existing but unseen. I couldn't utter his name coz it sounds like a bad word for me, it cuts my eardrum. I hated him for a reason that is too personal and what he did is something i will never forget 'till my last breath.

You read it right, i will never forget but i did forgive. He heard nothing from me and he suffered from it because i, whom he betrayed was the one who unexpectedly helped him most. I did it without any concern but my action was inevitably in favor of him and the fact that he couldn't look straight to my eyes is enough for revenge.

How was i able to handle it with a bit of grudge? I reserved a little respect. Inside my mind there was an argument whirling around. One said "he doesn't deserve respect" while the other whispered "ei, your just human...it's a reason i can accept but please don't act like God"

So I said " Okay, fine..."

Currently, i can't still utter his name but we got conversations. Though it's a short conversation, i respond if necessary. Right, years are enough and it start from that little respect.

You can find another route for your way but like an angle that reached the vertex- a point where two lines intersect then take a pause...there could be a reason and don't you think it's time?

Evolve

Change is something that most of us are reluctant about but the fact is, it occurs every minute of your life. I could remember my mother's story when she was young. She would go with her friends and play beside a pond. With her small hand, she would grab a tiny black creature and watch its tail wiggle. They called it "tadpole" but for her it's a black fish.

At home, she found a clear jar, filled it half with water and called it "home for the black fish". She would watch her black fish with fondness. After a couple of days, the wiggling tail was gone and two kicking feet emerged, then two arms. Its lucent eyes turned noticeable. She had to set it free because it won't fit inside a clear jar anymore. She'd seen how the black fish evolved and finally she had to let it go for a tadpole turned into frog.

So what's with the frog? You cannot be a tadpole forever. Change isn't a crime and it doesn't mean compromising your principles and individuality. Dare to change without living the standard set by society.

Change and still be you. For a tadpole will turn into frog but will still prefer to live in a messy pond rather than submerged in a clear water.